Christmas

Its that time again, so Hello Everyone! :) Sunday was Christmas, and all 3 of our babies raked in the toys. The Troll and the Imp got the things they asked for, and then some, and little miss Wilbur got plenty to keep her busy. More lip gloss than should  be legal. I do think i'll be stealing some of that...she won't notice...right? Us adults didn't really do Christmas this year, for lack of funds. Although, when i sit back and look at it, we probably could have gotten the children HALF of what we got them, still had them giddy for Santa, and each had something quite nice to open Christmas morning. Yea, Santa was a little Spendy this year. Our pocket books definitely noticed.

What I'm finding to be the most entertaining about this picture is that this isnt even the BEST view of everything we have under the tree. It was MADNESS all the presents that were under there....and ALL for the kids. Santa needs a leash next year! The little ones had a BLAST though, which was really important to us. I spent Christmas Eve with the babies, and we were busy baking. We made cookies, cupcakes, and frosting from scratch, and decorated our candy canes, snowmans, and gingerbread folks. We went WAY in depth with it, and I let the little ones dye the cake batter different colors, and roll and cut their own cookie dough. it definitely drew out the process a bit, but it was a lot of fun. In the end, the kids were happy and i was too. There were purple, pink, blue, and more blue cupcakes, and they were YUMMY.

After the baking was over, we all got into our Christmas PJ's and snuggled in bed. I popped popcorn, and made hot cocoa, and we laid in bed watching Christmas cartoons until the babies were tired. This was always a tradition in my house, and its something i'll always do with my boys, and my baby girl, regardless how old they get. It was something I always looked forward too, and i hope someday they will. Once they were nice and sleepy, we went into the kitchen, picked out our cookies, chopped up our carrots, poured our milk, and wrote our quick letter to Santa, (letting him know we'd left milk and cookies for him, and a carrot for the reindeer) and then the babies went off to bed. I tucked them in, gave them kisses, and waited for them to fall asleep. It was nearly time for Santa to come.

We got all the presents under the tree and the stockings stuffed, and then it was time for us to go to sleep. It was a super fun night with the kids, but i was definitely ready for bed when the time came. The kids woke up, so excited that Santa had come, and we started our morning off reading "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Once that was over, we took our spots on the floor, and the opening presents commenced. There are about a billion pictures of THAT taking place, and excitement was hard to contain. I can't fit pictures of everyone, but i WILL post one of our faves from the morning. 

Can hardly contain the smiles, right? Yea, i have the hardest time looking at it without smiling. That little boy could like up a room. This is my imp. Precious little thing. LOVE him. After presents, there was cleaning up wrapping paper and LOTS of playing. The boys rode their new bikes all over the driveway, but my baby girl was missing, it was time for her to go back to her mom. The imp was very pleased about his Buzz Bike, and STILL talks about it like its all the rage. 

Can we say....stop taking pictures so we can ride our bikes, mom? They can! :) Needless to say, Christmas  was a hit this year. Later that night Momma made the most AMAZING ham, it was mouth-watering...and that's the PG-13 description. Everything was really great actually. Grandma made some cheesy hashbrowns that were fantastic, I made green bean casserole, and D made pumpkin rolls. It was a small, simple, dinner, but it was family, and it was awesome. We lit Bella's candle, and said grace...it was the perfect end to an amazing holiday. I could not have gone to bed possibly feeling more blessed. What a lucky, lucky girl I am. So that's Christmas, probably more than you cared to know, but hey, its my blog! LOL. 

So, on to the other stuff. We are halfway into our sixth week, and will be moving into our 7th when we go to our appointment on Friday. So far, nothing new to report, just that I am very tired. No nausea this time around, which is wonderful! And indication that perhaps this one is a girl? Cross our fingers, PLEASE? I have the traditional flu, which is nothing if not expected. I refuse to ever be pregnant without getting a cold, and i did! But i'm handling it ok. The biggest concern is the fever that i can't seem to shake. The Dr's are saying that it should be below 100, and i can't get it down that low. If it stays high too much longer, we'll have to go to the ER...and i really dont want to do that. Other than that though, there's nothing else to report. I'll be doing another small post on Friday, to let everyone know what we found on the ultrasound. Until then, See ya! :)

Trying Again...

Well, chances are, if you're reading this, you know that I'm expecting a new little addition to our family. I chose to keep my darling Isabella to myself, and that's a decision that i have long regretted. For this pregnancy, I knew that regardless the outcome, i knew i had to have everything out in the open. I had to make sure people knew about this one, and that they love it as i love it. 
   You see, this pregnancy is a little bittersweet for me. Its hard to describe it, although i'll take a crack at it, i supposed. When i found out i was pregnant, the first thing i felt was incredible excitement. The next thing i felt...was fear. I thought about our situation, as it was, and i'll admit, i was a little nervous. More than that though, i remembered my Bella, and she was a reminder of everything that COULD go wrong. Of course, what are the odds it'd happen twice?? Yea, i know, but still--its there. Another thing i feel...quite often is..unsure. How do i keep her memory alive whilst i love another baby? Loving this little life i have growing inside of me feels like a dis-service to the memory of my angel baby. It feels like i can't love them both, and that's a hard feeling to deal with. I feel sometimes as though if i give myself fully to this child, that i will forget about the one who came before. How do i keep her light alive in my life and still be excited and interested in the life i have growing inside of me? In addition to worrying that i will not put enough emphasis on my Bella, i also worry that i will put too much emphasis on her. Will this new baby feel constantly overshadowed by the memory of her older sister? Will she feel this memory is forced upon her, as we try always to keep Bella alive in our family and in our hearts? I'm not entirely sure how to keep it from happening, and if i'll even know when it does...blahh, i don't know. 
      I'll be keeping a weekly update of my progress here on the blog, so that those of you who care can keep up, and i don't have to totally bombard my Facebook with pregnancy updates. So far, we know that there are signs of an anti-body in my system that has the potential to terminate a pregnancy. For this reason, they re-did the blood work and we'll be going back in to see if it's something i'll have to be medicated throughout the pregnancy for. For right now, we're just thrilled that they caught it, and are hoping that if its an issue, we can take the steps to resolve it right away. Because of this, and because of the loss of Bella, they have referred me to a doctor that specializes in high risk obstetrics and we'll be seeing them twice a month throughout the pregnancy, and having ultrasounds just as frequently. We're excited to get to see our little on so often, and happy to know that this time, we will be well monitored. This is all we really have to report right now, we're just feeling really blessed to be expecting this new little love. 
       A lot of love and appreciation goes out to my family this month, for being amazing. As many of you know, momma and papa (rich and gina, for those of you who don't know) have offered their home to my family in an attempt to help us get on our feet, and things together. We are going into this pregnancy, with amazing love and support, and i know that is going to make all the difference in the world. My mom, as well as my dad, have both been insanely supportive of me, and that's important. Things aren't easy right now, but i'm breathing a little better knowing i'm surrounded by so many people who love me. There are only 3 days until Christmas, and this year, i couldn't feel more blessed. My mom, dad, and brother will be missing from this years festivities, and i'm not a fan of that...but my boys will be opening presents for ages, and we'll be comfortable and warm. I'm counting my blessings often this year, as a reminder that no matter how hard things get, we always have each other. Until next week though, i hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! :)

My babies

I know i haven't written in awhile, things have been, to say the least, busy. I don't much know where my life is headed, but I know that where ever I go, I will always be surrounded by the ones I love. I've been having a hard time these last few days trying to find something to write about, because blogging requires a certain spark. You can't just start writing and hope something comes to you, otherwise you just babble. Kind of like i'm doing right now. One of the things i HAVE been thinking about lately though, are my little boys....who are...decidedly not so little anymore, and i'm not so sure i like that too much.

My troll, my oldest, is a preschooler. Seriously? Next year he'll be in Kindergarten and i'm holding onto him like he's going to college. I just watch him in his everyday life, and listen to him talk and i simply can't believe that this smart, amazing person came from me. It boggles my mind just looking at the person he's become, and he's still got a lot more to do. i just know as he gets older, he is going to continue to make me as proud as he makes me everyday. We have a routine now. He goes to school, i pick him up, and he tells me little parts of his day. "we had pizza for lunch mom, but i didnt eat my veggies." or "we learned about the letter c today mom. Did you know c says "ssssss"?" i answer his questions, but in my mind i'm crying. I'm so insanely proud of the way he's growing up.

My little imp, my baby....is two. He's in the two's room at school and is making friends. Its bittersweet because i'm SO glad he's meeting other children his age, but at the same time, hearing him say "friends" makes me feel like he's growing up way too fast. This is made even more clear to me by the fact that he is now telling me that he has to go potty. Its like...turning to a page in a book that i'm not interested in reading. Slow down little guy, mommy wants you to be little forever! He's talking so much now. He's doing it much slower than his brother did, but it definitely makes me proud to see him making progress. That's a pretty big deal at his age. I know that school will be good for him, but boy do i hate to see him getting to big. Its kind of hard to take in.

Taking them to "school" has been an experience for me. Its hard with their age difference, because i have to be on both sides of the mommy hurt. On the Troll's side, he can't wait to get rid of me, and that hurts. we get inside the building and he takes off "Guhbye mom!" and off he goes. He doesnt like to give me kisses in front of his friends anymore, and i always get the forehead. In all honesty, i hardly even get a hug anymore! Its nice to see him making friends and becoming independent, but i wasn't expecting to stop getting kisses quite so soon! The imp though, is on the other side of the spectrum, and he doesn't like me to leave, which also hurts. We walk in and he cries, when i kiss his cheek and go to leave him, he clings to me, "go home mommy go home". I knew to expect it, but that sure didnt make it any easier when he started doing it. It broke my heart! He's getting better now, everyday, but still doesnt like it when either me or his dad drops him off. I'm hoping that with time, that wont be quite so bad either, but only time will tell.

My babies are growing up, and it just reminds me that one day soon, it will be just me and D in the house. It takes me back to when i moved out of my mom's house....how empty and quiet i'm sure the house felt. Who knows, maybe they loved it...maybe i will too. I've always wanted children, always dreamed of this day, the day when my house would echo with the pitter patter of little feet, of the shrieks and squeals of my babies playing. It does now, and i love that. I wonder how i'll feel about it when its gone. Hahaha, i guess its kind of funny that preschool brings me to this place. Next thing you know it, i'll be worried about weddings and all that other stuff too. I guess all i can do for now is just enjoy these moments. These special little milestones that make watching them grow up worth the pain. And when they're older, i'll get to do it all over again when they have children. Only those ones....go home when they're screaming...and that....is something to look forward to! :)