38 Weeks

So...here we are. 38 weeks and counting. He's still not here yet, and I'm beginning to believe he has no intention of coming out anytime soon. This is aggravating to both me, and his daddy, who is anxiously awaiting his arrival. It's interesting really. I'm not having the usual "I just want this baby out of me, I don't care how it happens." emotions that usually come at the end of the pregnancy. In fact, I'm perfectly content with him doing whatever it is he needs to do. However, my body is tired of pregnancy. It's been a super hard one, and to be honest, has had me seriously debating about whether or not D and I should be done having kids after this one. Part of me kept holding out hope, believing that someday we'd have another baby girl. To be honest though, there's a part of me that believes that Bella was to be my only little girl. She is special in a million little ways, and maybe this is just another one. There was a reason that she wasn't meant to be, and yet...there's a reason that she WAS. I'm beginning to believe that I just have to embrace that. And...I'm starting to be okay with it. I have 2 AMAZING little boys, who literally amaze me, impress me, and make me proud of them every single day. All I can really do is guide them, watch them grow, and hope I am turning them into the kind of men that will someday make amazing fathers and husbands. In my tummy, there is a little rockstar. He kicks, he flips, he punches, he's a beast. And he's going to make his appearance any day now. And he's our rainbow baby. The baby we never thought we'd have. The baby that D has been waiting his entire adult life for. That's huge. So maybe, just maybe...all of that is plenty. My body is tired. It's tired of pregnancy, it's tired of childbirth. It's tired of pain. Maybe it's about time we make the decision that these 3 kids are not perfect, but they are perfect for us...and that our little family is perfect. I dunno. I'm so torn about it...so up in the air. It's a difficult and rather permanent decision to make. I'm so afraid to make the wrong one, and then later be aggravated that I no longer have the option of making a different decision. Ahh, it's confusing. But...i digress. 

At this stage in our pregnancy, little Owen is quite a monster. He's weighing in at 7 lbs 4 oz, which is about 4 weeks bigger than an "average" baby at this stage. The doctors believe he's also going to be pretty long, i can't wait to see. We are, last i heard, 4 cm dilated, totally effaced, and baby is head down and engaged. We're not entirely sure what he's waiting on, but he's ready whenever he's ready, I guess. I'm definitely nervous for the labor and birth process. I remember having a very high pain tolerance for both of the boys, but with this one...i'm not so sure. I've been in pain for so many weeks, i think i might trade virtually pain free for au natural. To be honest, I have my "non medicated, in labor for 16 hours, and stitched up from my tear" badge. I'm not sure i want another one. LOL. We haven't really 100% established a birth plan. We both know what I want, for the most part, but we aren't really wanting anything set in stone. Things could change. 

Well, just a little update, and a little of my random thoughts. Off to make lunch, since the 3 year olds don't feed themselves. (Why not, i wonder? :D) Until next time.