Day 26:Their Age

Day Twenty-Six: Their Age

This month, on the 13th, my baby girl will be 22 months old. It's almost her second birthday and I can't believe it. It seems so unreal to me that it's already been almost 2 years since we lost her, and it still feels like it was just yesterday. It's funny because since losing her, I've connected with women who lost their children 5, 10, 20 years ago...and the pain is still just as raw. It makes me wonder if it will ever truly get any better. I have to think not. You just learn to cope...you have to.

 

Day 25: Baby Shower/Blessing

Day Twenty-Five: Baby Shower/Blessing

We didn't get to have a baby shower for Bella...as she passed away before it's traditional to have one. We didn't have her blessed, which i absolutely regret...but as i mentioned before....we were uninformed. This memorial is how we honored her. It's all we have. It's all we'll ever have. It's not enough, but it'll have to do.

 

Day 23: Her Name/Her Picture

Day Twenty-Three: Her Name/Her Picture

How fitting that this post would come on my birthday. Obviously, it didn't get done on my birthday, however, i find it magical that THIS was the post meant for my birthday. There's nothing to say about these pictures, they absolutely speak for themselves. My daughter. The beautiful, perfect, amazing individual that she was, that she continues to be. Gracing the heavens with her presence, waiting to meet me again.

Day 22: Place of Care/Birth

Day Twenty Two: Place of Care/Birth

This is the hospital where it happened. The care was fine. The staff was...adequate. There's not much to say about this place. Not much that I remember, not much that I care to. Knowing what I know now..I wish i'd done more. I wish I'd said more...I wish I'd spoken up. Those are just wishes now.

Day 21: Altar/Sacred Space

Day Twenty-One: Altar/Sacred Space

This is the closest I imagine I'll get to an "altar" or "sacred space". It's my spot for her. There's really nothing else I can say about this photo...or this place that hasn't already been said...so we'll leave it as it lie.

 

Day 20: Charity/Organization

Day Twenty: Charity/Organization

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. The organization that I can easily say has had the biggest impact on my life since I lost my baby girl. When we had Bella, we took literally NO pictures of her. We were conflicted about doing it tastefully, afraid of the way we would remember her if we had them. We were very....uneducated...for lack of a better word, about the services and charities that were out there for parents experiencing this type of loss. It wasn't until AFTER her death, after we'd made funeral arrangements, and begun to try to move on that we found out about this---this service that could have been ours if only we'd known about it. Beautiful, amazing, tasteful pictures of our daughter...and opportunity that we will, unfortunately NEVER get back. Since then, and after the opening of our bakery, we actively raise awareness about this service, this organization that provides FREE infant remembrance photography to parents just like us. We tell people about it who might not know, and we donate to it, from our bakery...in an effort to allow them to help MORE people who might need it. People just like us. There's only so much one person can do, but as NILMDTS says, constantly, "There is no foot too small that it can not leave an imprint on this world." And that's true. We may not change the world, but if we're lucky, we'll change it for someone.

 

Day 19: A Project

Day Nineteen: A Project

This is my best interpretation of a project I've done regarding my daughter. Suffice it to say that it's easier to avoid such things. There are lots of ways I remember her, lots of things I do. My first endeavor was to open my bakery, Bells Custom Cakes. I've been doing that off and on since April of 2011, just after she died, and I love what it is. As with any new thing, I'd love for it to become more, but I'm comfortable with where we're at. I did something for my life that I KNOW she would have wanted for me, and now I get to do it in such a way that I know I'll always love what I do...rather than in such a way that it becomes a job, something that I resent. This project is much more personal, as it has forced me to think about her, what she meant, what she continues to mean, and how very much she affected me. In the interest of full disclosure...it's much harder than I expected it to be.