I've been thinking about Bella a lot these past few days. Any time I do that, it brings up a lot of stuff in my head. Some of it is genuinely screwed up...and other stuff is raw, and real, and painful. Today, I'm going to share with you something that comes up a LOT....and I'm just tired of holding it in at this point.
Abortion is a HOT topic. There are people who are for it, and people who are against it. There are those who could care less one way or the other. There are those who have done it, and will admit it, and there are those who have done it but swear they never would. There are also those who haven't, and legitimately never will. Abortion is something so taboo. Aside from that though, there is one thing that most people can agree upon. A fetus is alive. There is very little dispute on that fact, people all around agree that unborn or not, the child that grows in the womb is a living person. If this is the case, I pose this question:
WHY was my stillborn daughter refused a birth certificate, under the reasoning that she never lived?
Didn't we all agree during our huge abortion debate that a fetus was living? Didn't we make the decision that unborn or not they were people? Because of where I gave birth to her, she's not recognized as ever having really been at all. New Mexico does not recognize or certificate stillborn births, and will not provide her with a birth certificate since she "did not live" nor a death certificate since technically she "did not die". As far as the state of NM is concerned, my daughter never was....and really, that's a hard pill to swallow. There are so many debates and so much fighting for the rights of those unborn children...who is fighting for the rights of the parents...like me, whose children were born sleeping? Who is going to recognize their LIVES? Just because she never took a breath on this earth doesn't mean she didn't live. Her kicks told me she lived! Her hiccups told me she lived! Her heartbeat told me she lived! Her smiles in her ultrasounds told me she lived! Any woman who has ever carried her child and then buried her child, as I did...will tell you they LIVED! Don't tell me that she didn't die! I felt it! It was I who felt her last kicks! It was I who rubbed my tummy, willing her to keep moving, though she never did! It was I....who felt her grow...and then felt her slip away. And she LIVED...And she DIED. Just because she did those things inside of me, doesn't mean they didn't happen.
I'm starting some research and I'm making a move. Stillborn children should be issued birth certificates! Didn't i push her out? Didn't i labor? Sure i did! Just the same as i had with my other two boys! She deserves a birth certificate. I deserve a birth certificate. And so do the thousands of other parents dealing with this every day. She changed my life....for the better. She taught me about love and loss and pain. So don't tell me she didn't live. She STILL lives. In my heart, in my soul, in my mind. She lived. She died. And she deserves to be recognized as having done both of those things. Regardless whether she was alive when she came into this world, she's still a person...and people have rights, don't they?
Why should my daughter, my Bella, or ANY other sweet angel baby be considered to be any less?
