Say It Out Loud

There are days where I feel like a walking train wreck. There are days where the pain feels so raw that it takes everything inside of me just to crawl out of bed. There are days when I still feel like she's with me, like I'm carrying her, a whole year and a half later. There's pain. A lot of pain. And then, almost as if there wasn't, I snap out of it. I come out of the trance that is the anguish, and I talk about her A LOT. My facebook drowns in memory of her, and all I really want is to scream her name from the mountain tops.

So i do. 

People who have not experienced loss of this kind don't understand. Many of them have a hard time relating, or talking about it. What is there really to say about a child who's life ended so suddenly?  

 What isn't there to say?

Isabella (or Bells as I call her) IS a sister. She's a daughter, and grand daughter, a niece, a cousin, and a best friend. She was loved, anticipated, played with, talked about. She LIVED. You could never talk about her enough. I could go on for days about her,  and the short 23 weeks she lived inside of me. I could talk about my cravings, about her kicks, about her life. And I'll always remember with a smile on my face. Even if I'm smiling through the tears.

I'm not alone.

All over the country, and all over the world are mother's and father's experiencing this same loss. Dealing with this same hardship. Dying to scream their names, dying for ANYONE to want to listen. There are families, just like ours who are trying to cope, trying to create a new "normal". One that DOESN'T involve basic needs for that baby that they didn't get to take home. One that DOES involve trying to include her, keep her in your life, and keep her in your family when everyone else wants to forget. When everyone else tries to forget. Parents though, they don't. And they never will.


For this reason, the work that Carrie and Jonathan do is extraordinary for parents like us. They too, have experienced a loss. Their daughter, Elena is an angel. A fact that is hard to face, and a reality that never goes away. Because of the impact she made on their lives, they have started a movement. STILL Project is geared towards gaining awareness about a topic that at times can be "taboo". They're encouraging families that have experienced a loss to #SayItOutLoud. Their project is going to tell the stories of parents all over the world who want to share their stories, who want the world to know who their Angel Babies are. Their mission is exceptional, and so is their compassion. Today, and everyday, we will support this movement, and follow wherever it leads us. For the parents that participate, the world will know about their loss. For the parents that don't, they'll have learned to open up, to talk about it, to love, to mourn, and to live again.

They'll learn to say it out loud.