That Feeling....

It hits you. Most of the time before you ever have the chance to see it coming and run from it. It consumes you-crashing over you like a wave and taking you down...down to your knees, begging for relief from the storm. 
    
It's PANIC. It's FEAR. It's HURT. It's LOSS.

Maybe it was a song, playing on the radio---that always reminds you of her. 
Maybe it was a picture...and hand, or a foot. That looked just a little like hers. 
Maybe it was a smell....a gentle reminder of a time when she was. 
Maybe it was a taste...a familiar craving...that you associate with that person. 

It's GRIEF. 

Whatever sparks the memory, it stops you in it's tracks. It owns you, and all you can do it just succumb to it. You close your eyes and just let it be, and you realize....you could see her whole life in these few minutes if you just tried hard enough. You think about the person she was, the person she would have someday been. You wonder if she'd be a singer like her mommy, or good at math like her dad. You wonder what her smile would be like, and you swear you can hear her laughter in the breeze. It stops you. In a very real way. You get lost in the moments...thinking of her, and you snap out of it, just as a tear rolls down your cheek. It's funny how I never knew an Isabella before mine was gone, and now, it seems they're everywhere. It shocks me how just hearing her name can send me spiraling....lost in a world of what if's and could have beens. 


To cope with the panic and the pain, I cry. I turn on the shower, I run the hot water, and I sit in the tub, with the water coming down on me, running down my face, masking the tears. I sob, the shower drowning out the noises of my despair. I really let go. I break down...and i enjoy it. It's needed sometimes...and it helps. 




So what about you? What kinds of things do you do to cope with your pain? Whether its a child, or a parent, or a sibling, or friend? How do you handle it, how do you deal? 


In the end, all we really have is each other. Break the silence....don't be afraid to talk about them in public. Don't be afraid to say their names.