My babies

I know i haven't written in awhile, things have been, to say the least, busy. I don't much know where my life is headed, but I know that where ever I go, I will always be surrounded by the ones I love. I've been having a hard time these last few days trying to find something to write about, because blogging requires a certain spark. You can't just start writing and hope something comes to you, otherwise you just babble. Kind of like i'm doing right now. One of the things i HAVE been thinking about lately though, are my little boys....who are...decidedly not so little anymore, and i'm not so sure i like that too much.

My troll, my oldest, is a preschooler. Seriously? Next year he'll be in Kindergarten and i'm holding onto him like he's going to college. I just watch him in his everyday life, and listen to him talk and i simply can't believe that this smart, amazing person came from me. It boggles my mind just looking at the person he's become, and he's still got a lot more to do. i just know as he gets older, he is going to continue to make me as proud as he makes me everyday. We have a routine now. He goes to school, i pick him up, and he tells me little parts of his day. "we had pizza for lunch mom, but i didnt eat my veggies." or "we learned about the letter c today mom. Did you know c says "ssssss"?" i answer his questions, but in my mind i'm crying. I'm so insanely proud of the way he's growing up.

My little imp, my baby....is two. He's in the two's room at school and is making friends. Its bittersweet because i'm SO glad he's meeting other children his age, but at the same time, hearing him say "friends" makes me feel like he's growing up way too fast. This is made even more clear to me by the fact that he is now telling me that he has to go potty. Its like...turning to a page in a book that i'm not interested in reading. Slow down little guy, mommy wants you to be little forever! He's talking so much now. He's doing it much slower than his brother did, but it definitely makes me proud to see him making progress. That's a pretty big deal at his age. I know that school will be good for him, but boy do i hate to see him getting to big. Its kind of hard to take in.

Taking them to "school" has been an experience for me. Its hard with their age difference, because i have to be on both sides of the mommy hurt. On the Troll's side, he can't wait to get rid of me, and that hurts. we get inside the building and he takes off "Guhbye mom!" and off he goes. He doesnt like to give me kisses in front of his friends anymore, and i always get the forehead. In all honesty, i hardly even get a hug anymore! Its nice to see him making friends and becoming independent, but i wasn't expecting to stop getting kisses quite so soon! The imp though, is on the other side of the spectrum, and he doesn't like me to leave, which also hurts. We walk in and he cries, when i kiss his cheek and go to leave him, he clings to me, "go home mommy go home". I knew to expect it, but that sure didnt make it any easier when he started doing it. It broke my heart! He's getting better now, everyday, but still doesnt like it when either me or his dad drops him off. I'm hoping that with time, that wont be quite so bad either, but only time will tell.

My babies are growing up, and it just reminds me that one day soon, it will be just me and D in the house. It takes me back to when i moved out of my mom's house....how empty and quiet i'm sure the house felt. Who knows, maybe they loved it...maybe i will too. I've always wanted children, always dreamed of this day, the day when my house would echo with the pitter patter of little feet, of the shrieks and squeals of my babies playing. It does now, and i love that. I wonder how i'll feel about it when its gone. Hahaha, i guess its kind of funny that preschool brings me to this place. Next thing you know it, i'll be worried about weddings and all that other stuff too. I guess all i can do for now is just enjoy these moments. These special little milestones that make watching them grow up worth the pain. And when they're older, i'll get to do it all over again when they have children. Only those ones....go home when they're screaming...and that....is something to look forward to! :)