Love

Its been nearly 10 years since I started dating the Troll's father. Believe me when i say, that i never expected the impact that he would have on my life, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. He did, in fact though, change quite a lot of things about my life. He was my first love. He was my first...a lot of things. He taught me about love, he taught me about caring about someone else. He and i were...fantastically terrible for each other. We loved one another so intensely, so surely, so fully, and yet...it was puppy love. It was the kind of love that we thought would last forever, we even WANTED it to last forever, but fate knew it never would. We parted ways after five years, leaving me with the feeling that fate had cheated me...and all of this, was just a cruel joke. 


I bring this up because two things came from this young love. Two things came from this relationship, this friendship. Firstly, my beautiful little boy, who is now 4 years old, and so smart. He is, as far as looks go, the spitting image of that man, whom i knew what seems like so long ago now. In personality, i see it, from time to time, but i like to think he's growing more like me, as he grows older and more mature. The second thing that came from this relationship was the amazing and incredible bond that formed with his mom, Gina. What can i really say about Gina? She has been a constant love, support, and strength in my life since i was 15 years old. She's always been there, always loved me, and always understood me. She and i have had a fall out or two, but in the end, we always find our way back to each other. 


There are a few major and defining moments in our life, and i think of those today. Many years ago, when i was 16, I was made to make a decision that i was NOT happy with. I didn't like it, and my bf didn't like it, and she didn't like it. However, i listened to the words of others and made a decision that day that changed my life. I don't really need to elaborate on the decision itself, as i'm sure she knows what i'm referring to. It was a difficult experience for all of us, and its something that we never really forgot. After that, she and i didn't talk for awhile, and i didn't blame her. She was angry, i was angry, and a saddened part of me thought that i'd never really talk to her again. Eventually though, we moved past that time, and started to rebuild our relationship. It had, by no means, gone away, because nothing ever does that to us. There were about a billion trials and tribulations between me and her son after that, but no matter how he acted, she always loved me, and supported me. 


When i was 18 years old, just turned, in fact, i called her, and  S and told a tale of teen angst. "oh my parents are so terrible, and they did this, or that". I think it was that they'd grounded me, for one of the 500 things i did wrong. She piped up quickly, so move out, and move in with us. Seriously, we'll come get you. I was hesitant, because i knew what it would do to my mom, and how my dad would feel...i knew it would be hard to leave. S got back on the phone, and said "seriously, if you don't want to be there, come here, i'm on the way." So i packed up what few things i could fit into his little civic, and wrote a note to my Momma, and we drove away. From that moment on, Miss Gina truly was my Momma. I believe what made her so special to me was the way she always supported me. No matter what the decision. During the time we lived together...we had, about a billion adventures, far to colorful for this blog, i'm afraid...but again, she knows what i mean. After awhile, her son and i moved out, but we visited often, and made still more memories. My favorite pictures from my senior prom were taken at her house, by her, lovingly, and they're pictures that i cherish to this day. She's a part of all the memories of being a teenager that i hold most dear. 


One year later, after i'd graduated, and gone off to basic training, i came home. Her son was dating something else, and things seemed to be pretty serious. However, as things with he and i always were, we found each other again. Wrong as i was, it didn't matter that he was with someone else, and it didn't matter that we weren't together, and probably never would be again. All that mattered, was that whatever it was, it was still there. So we flung, a lot, LOL. And the week before Christmas in 2007, i was blessed with a beautiful baby. We didn't know at the time that we were, or that he was a boy, all we knew was that he was. 4 weeks later, on the phone with Momma Gina, i said to her "I'm having people. " And she never once asked me if it was his, and she never once doubted me. She excitedly said "let me know when you know for sure." and from that moment on, was every bit as dedicated to this baby as i was, regardless whether or not he was going to be. Unfortunately, just a few weeks after i found out, Gramma Marilyn passed away. This did two things for my life. The first thing, it drove S away from me, and officially into the arms of the woman he was dating. It was that week that i realized...i was going to to be raising this baby by myself. And i also realized...that that was ok with me. Because no way in hell was i letting him go. It was definitely an option, at least for him (because what guy wants to tell his girlfriend "i got my ex girlfriend pregnant while we're still together") but it wasn't ever an option for me. The second thing, that came of it was that me and Momma Gina became THAT much closer. It was an absolute honor when she asked me to sit with the family during the memorial service, and even more so when she asked me to sing. Few people know the way she does what singing does for me. That event brought us closer than we'd ever been before...and only she and i really know why.


After that is the obvious thing, i suppose, the birth of my little troll. She wasn't there, with me, but she was the first text message i sent, and i was so excited to share pictures of my little one with her. She was just as excited as i was, if not more so. Unfortunately, because of unforeseen circumstances, she did not get to meet this special little boy until he was already 2. She watched our little guy grow up in pictures, and i know how hard it was for her. She never complained though, she just commented, and watched...always quietly keeping an eye on me, and loving me from a distance. Finally, in June of 2009, she got to meet him, and the minute they set eyes on each other, it was love. They've been inseparable ever since, and we love it that way. In November, we moved to Arizona to try to make things work with my ex, but that didn't wind up happening. During this time , we both helped each other. I helped her recover from her stroke, clean up her house, and feed her well, and she helped me get over the loss that i suffered when my ex left me. Again. She saw the tears in my eyes and the hurt on my face when Jason asked him not to go, and she held me when i cried. She was always good for things like that. 


Eventually, i moved out, and she met an amazing man, who has also become an important part of my life. This post has me thinking about the way things used to be, how we got here. Momma Gina has been my strength, and support. She is one of the people whose opinion means the most to me in the world. Recently, when i got my new job, i proceeded with caution telling people until i was pretty confident that i'd get the job. When i told her and Papa that i had gotten the job, she expressed how insanely proud of me they were. It occurred to me then, as it often does, that these two are some of the most important in my life...and i aspire to always make them proud of me. I may not always do things the way they think i should, or the way they think is best, but regardless they support me, and love me, and that's the most important thing, i think. I consider myself so blessed to have them in my life, today, and everyday.