A Little Girl.....

It stopped me dead in my tracks. In mid laugh i noticed her, and i was paralyzed. Its funny how that happens to me. Often little girls of all ages catch my attention, and i know its because im thinking of her. Sometimes, i'm not even thinking of her, but i watch them. Thinking that watching is as close as i'll ever actually get to the pretty dresses and the pigtails, the laughter, and the mommy daughter kisses. I think about that a lot, and think that maybe god wants me to know that i am meant for my boys, meant to be their mother, to raise them right...and possibly meant to have the same relationship with their wives, or girlfriends, or "baby momma's" as i do for Momma G. Maybe somewhere out there is a little girl who is meant to be the daughter i never had...and maybe i'll be meant to love her like the mother she always needed. Its discomforting to think that i'll never have a daughter of my own..at least, not one i can ever hold. Its hard to imagine that i'll never see a soft, pink, baby girl, wrapped in her warm purple blanket, waiting to share secrets and stories with me. Today there was a little girl of no more than 2 running around the park playing with the Troll and Wilbur (as Momma G calls her) and we adults sat back and watched them. She was wearing a summer dress of yellow, but had kicked her little shoes off. She ran and ran with her older brother always right behind her, keeping a watchful eye on his sister. I thought to myself that the Troll would  have been this way with Bells. Her socked little feet were moving as fast as they could carry her all over the playground, and her squeals and laughter rang through the park. Our hearts warmed to watch her, and she had us all mesmerized. As she slid down the slide, with her tongue sticking out, we laughed to watch how much fun she was having. I'm not sure that this will ever go away. I'm not sure that i'll ever see a little girl and not think of my Bells. Perhaps, though, i am wrong...and there is a baby girl in the future for me. Then, i imagine...the little girl i watch and think of her, will be the one who looks most like her. I have no doubt, that should i ever be blessed with a little girl, she will have many of the same characteristics....and each time i look at her, i'll remember the angel watching her from above. I guess all i can do is wait. See what the future has in store for me, and watch each little girl play, thinking that she must be doing the same things in heaven...for in heaven, there are no limitations. And can there really be anything better than that?