Day 11: Supportive Friends/Family

Day 11: Supportive Friends/Family

This one is impossible! There would be no way  I could picture everyone who took part in the outpouring of support following Bella's death. Daniel and I didn't handle her situation very well, and I can see that now. When we found out I was pregnant with her, we told literally no one. They made it clear to us from the start that it was going to be a complicated pregnancy, and the father along we got, the less likely it seemed that we'd hold her in our arms. Because of that, we kept waiting and kept waiting for to see a Dr who would say something different. A Dr who would say "Sure, tell everyone. You absolutely will take her home, and you WON'T have to explain to hundreds of people what happened to your daughter.". THAT was the painful thing we were trying to avoid. However, we could never have imagined how far along in the pregnancy that we'd lose her, how hard it would hit us, how changed our lives would be, and how much it would rock our world. It didn't occur to us that we'd have to have that conversation at some point anyway. And so- We told no one. And then, all of the sudden, she was gone. And we had to grieve for her. We had to talk about her, we had to. So we posted on Facebook about our loss, we wrote letters to our daughter. We posted pictures of her sonograms. Literally everyone important in our lives met our daughter and learned of her....the day we said goodbye. I have a lot of regrets about that in a way...but in another way, it let us grieve her without having to talk about it a ton. Having said that...there weren't many people who DIDN'T offer a kind word, a supportive gesture when they felt the time was right. My dad, my mom, Daniel's parents and grandparents. My momma Gina. Renae and Paulina, Jessica, Nikki, Jerri, Felicia, Rhetta, Britt and Auntie Shelly. There are just so many people, that I KNOW for a fact that I'm going to miss a bunch of them. There are a few people though, especially those mentioned above who stood out in my mind, and still do. These are the people in my life who STILL talk about her. Who still ask me how I'm doing with the whole thing. Who still mention my loss, and aren't afraid to talk about it. Who still say her name.  People who constantly check on the progression of my new pregnancy...both physically and emotionally---knowing that (even if not through experience) I must spend the better part of my time just wondering when the bad news will come. And I do that. A few people...they get that. And they still support me. And a bunch I know I've mentioned...and a few I'm sure I've missed. These posts are so hard emotionally, that I spend pretty much the whole time I'm writing them crying, and the whole time I'm posting them. So anyone I've missed, please forgive me...and know that i DO know who you are....and I appreciate you. To those of you who supported me, and continue to---you don't know how important you are to everyday of my life. Without you to turn to, to talk to, to cry with....i'd never have made it through this...and i couldn't continue to make it. For those of you who WILL support me. Those who i hope to someday change with my story---those who will unfortunately become that 1 in 4...I'll be waiting. And we'll make it through each day together. I don't have to look hard to see how truly blessed I am. I know I have a support system that doesn't leave much to be desired. You're all amazing, and from the bottom of our hearts....Daniel and I thank you.