Day 4: A Treasured Item

Day 4: A Treasured Item

This snow globe was the first thing Daniel and I bought after Bella died. It's easily the most important material thing to come out of this experience. It plays "The Lord is My Shepherd" and is engraved with:

Isabella Ann Marie Gilman

"Bella"

Born Sleeping January 13, 2011

"Too Beautiful For Earth."

I wound that music box and listened to it play every night before bed. Daniel and I would mute the TV, make sure all was quiet in the world, and just take the time to "spend time" with our baby girl the only way we really knew how. Some months later, while the boys were "spending time" with Bella (something they knew they weren't supposed to do), Logan threw it against the wall, and it shattered. Every bit of me felt like I lost her all over again. It was....an unrealistic feeling. The water from the globe soaked the floor, the stars and glitter that filled it littered the carpet, and shards of glass were everywhere. I fell to my knees, screaming...and spent the next 1 or 2 picking up those stars one at a time and holding on to them...as if i were holding on to a piece of myself. We cleaned up the mess, and put up the snow globe. No more could i hold it, listen to it's music...use it as a way to feel close to her....and i hated that. Eventually we'll replace it, but for right now, it's up on her shelf...nothing more than a memory.